I can honestly say that this summer has been the most emotional one in my life. Bittersweet would be a good word - the fun and excitement of planning a 4-year-old's rainbow birthday party coupled with the anticipation and joy of preparing for bringing a new life into our home has taken the edge off the heartbreak and tears of bearing daily witness to my mom's rapid decline in health.
Then add to the equation that I am returning to the classroom in less than two months time - a new subject and grade level I've never taught before. And my mom's house looks like something out of "Horders." I know we need to go through it and get it sold fairly soon. But the mere thought of having to tackle either of these stressors makes my eye twitch. So I head for my go-to place when things get tough - avoidance. I have done nothing to prepare for the upcoming school year, and avoid Mom's house like the plague.
I do this partly to keep my stress level low with this new baby. I do it partly because Anna Claire deserves to have a great summer and I want to cherish this time with only her as my only child before her time gets divided. And I do it partly because I stay worried constantly that the passing of my mom will coincide with Anna Claire's birthday. I pray daily that Momma can hang in there until this sweet girl has a chance to celebrate her special day. But with her losing weight daily and refusing to weight (down to 102.8, 15 lbs. less than she weighed just one month ago), I am rightfully concerned. Hospice and doctors told us several weeks ago that they anticipate she has a couple of months.
I don't want my mom to suffer any longer than necessary, but the thought of having to explain the concept of death to my little girl on or near her birthday, would be more than I can bear. Prayers please!
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